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We've been friends with a woman, who has overcome many hardships, which I admire. However, she has been often blindsided by people. Her spouse left her, which came as an unexpected event. A lot of close acquaintances vanished during that time, since they had been drawn to her husband. She was stunned by her deeply. She made greater energy in our friendship, and must have realised more acutely what friendship was.

The Pattern of Disappearance

In the time since, quite a few of her friends have disappeared leaving her certain of the reason. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, although she was an excellent employee, she departed not understanding the reason for the change.

Present Situation

In recent times, we have each retired so we're spending frequent meetups, however, I feel the part I play in the relationship is as the audience. I open topics of conversation only for her to redirect the talk toward things she cares about. Regarding political views, she holds firm beliefs. I try to recommend verifying facts and alternate views.

She is planning a trip to a nation I have traveled to many times and resided in for a while. I tried to provide personal experiences, however, my input met with resistance. She really just desired me to confirm her decisions. I've just ended 30 days in that place and she wants to reconnect, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to be a friend that walks away abruptly, however, I feel she'll truly understand the impact of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Currently, I am in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Ways Forward

You could walk away, however, that approach is not often a smooth outcome we hope for. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of a solution takes courage and openness from both people.

Professional advice indicates using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Step one requires explaining what typically happens when you talk. This needs to be based on facts like an unbiased account. Step two is to express the way it leaves you feeling. This allows for no argument on this point. Your feelings are valid, of course. Step three is to ask how the two of you can shift the interaction in your relationship."

Keep in mind she too holds perspectives, thus requiring you to remain ready to listen to her. An approach that works involves stating to the other person:

"Now you talk and I'm going to listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

This can be effective in fostering better communication.

Key Takeaways

This person might reject everything, since certain individuals have a “survival narrative”: they have a version regarding their experiences they're unable to abandon because their very survival is tied to it being the only thing familiar to them. It's tough when there seems no easy route with these people, mere obstacles. Yet she could start out like this then consider about what you've said. And should you never reach an agreement, you'll have satisfaction from having been open and direct.